Posted in Sleepless Night

3 am Musings

Do you ever have one of those nights where you’re really tired and all you want to do is sleep…but you can’t? You just lie in bed staring at the ceiling, thinking about all the things you generally avoid thinking about, and obviously, that just makes it harder to fall asleep. Yeah? Well, here I am, sleep-deprived and headache-driven, writing a blog post.

I spent most of the day today reminiscing about the city I went to college in. A friend of mine is visiting there next week, and is staying around the area I lived in for three years, and talking to her about all the great places to go and things to do made me nostalgic. So, for the rest of the day my mind kept going back to the city and the college I went to. Now, I really enjoyed college, but I’m glad it’s over. While 90% of my college experience was great, somehow it’s the bad 10% that remains stuck with me. Whenever my mind strays to my college years, it focuses on the bad rather than the good. And therein lies the reason for my inability to sleep tonight.

Before I went to bed, an old friend from college texted me, someone I hadn’t spoken to in almost two years and talking to him took me down college memory lane for the second time today. Thereafter, I spoke even further about college with my best friend and I just knew I wouldn’t get any sleep tonight. You see, thinking about college for me is equivalent to thinking about people and memories I’d rather not remember. On a normal day, those specific thoughts are filed away in some deep crevice of my brain. However, they’re always on alert to pop into my conscious mind at the first mention of college.

Still, being really tired and clinging to a shred of hope, I went to bed willing myself to sleep…in vain, evidently, since I’m up writing. Somehow this has always been my thing. I write when I’m low, or when I’m going through something. Penning my thoughts and feelings onto paper calms me, helps me put things into perspective, and just gives me a chance to vent. I have a difficult time talking to other people about my issues, so writing seems to be the most therapeutic for me, it’s where I express myself the best.

You know when you tell yourself not to think about something, that’s the only thing your mind can then think about? That’s exactly what happened to me when I went to bed tonight. I kept telling myself to think about anything but college, which my brain obviously interpreted as “fill my mind with only thoughts of college and nothing else”.

I don’t even know what this post is about anymore. I don’t know if it was even about something to begin with. I am now wide awake at 3:30 am, listening to Christmas music, wondering what to do till my brain tires and shuts down.

Anyway! That’s all for now, folks!

Hope you’re having a good morning/afternoon/night wherever you are!

Cheers,
Zee

Quote of the Day: “My eyelids are heavy, but my thoughts are heavier.”

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